Knightly News

I remember back when I was a preteen and enjoyed using three way calling - yes, a high tech feature - to connect with multiple friends. We rode bikes to the nearest playground to hang out, and our main video game systems were Atari and then Nintendo, with two player options if your friend was right beside you. Today's preteens are finding their playground online - it's called instagram, Snapchat, twitter, and a variety of other venues. Video gaming is now digital, connecting teens all over the world.  Times and interests for adolescents haven't changed but the WAY they connect has shifted. The online world available to teens brings a host of new challenges in parenting.

As an adult, I enjoy technology, browsing Pinterest and Facebook in the grocery store line or while relaxing after work. The dangers that those leisurely activities present are few. But what dangers do I worry about for our children online?  As a middle school counselor, my primary concerns are the physical and emotional well being of our students. Cyberbullying, online predators, and exposure to violence and pornography can be damaging to their physical and emotional well-being.  

How can we, as parents, help our children navigate their digital world safely?  Here are some suggestions:
 

•  Communicate with your child .  Join them in their virtual world. Let them teach you!
  • Follow them on social media.
  • Play a video game alongside them.
  • Ask them to share the latest YouTube sensation with you.  
• Be transparent if you are monitoring your child’s online world.  It's helpful to have a strategy to know what your child is doing online, such as requiring them to “follow” or “friend” you. There is monitoring software available for a small monthly fee through teen safe. Be upfront and honest with your teen about how you choose to monitor their online usage. 
• Remind your teen that the internet is not private.  Snapchats and photos have a way of becoming public and permanent. Discuss good decision making and judgement when taking pictures and socializing online. Remind them to avoid online gossip as it can come back to haunt them. One way of framing this is asking your child to consider whether they would be comfortable with the whole school seeing a text or an image they are sending. If not, they may not want to send it. 
• Discuss how to handle communication with online friends that they haven't met in person.  Just as we encourage our children to stick with a group in public arenas, they shouldn't meet an “online friend” alone.  An adult should be aware if they do make plans to meet an online friend in the event that online friend happens to be dangerous and not who they pretend to be.  Remember our teens are children and can be trusting and naive - they require this adult guidance. 
• Model appropriate technology boundaries. Put your phone away at the dinner table, in the carpool line, and make time for face to face conversation. 
• Teach your child to THINK before posting. 
  • Ask your child’s permission before posting their photos on Facebook, in hopes they will learn to do the same and avoid posting that embarrassing picture of a friend on Instagram.
  • Discuss when it may be better to hold off on posting group pictures for fear of hurting someone's feelings (ex. A group party where all are not included). 
• Consider gradually allowing your child more autonomy and freedom online as they become more mature and responsible.  A “training wheels” approach can be helpful. Just as we do not send our three year old out alone on a bike, we may gradually give more freedoms with technology. They need your guidance upfront to develop online etiquette. ​

As adults, educators, and parents, many of us remember the mistakes we made in our youth. Our children have this powerful tool, the online world, where their mistakes become public and permanent with one click. Let's partner together to empower our children to embrace the digital world and make positive, healthy choices guided by good judgement.

For more discussion on safety in the digital world, join the Episcopal Counseling Team for a book study of Screenwise: Helping Kids Thrive (and survive) in their Digital World by Devorah Heitner, PhD on October 19th at 10 A.M. in the Alumni House Parlor Room.  

Sources:
Common Sense Media-  https://www.commonsensemedia.org/
NetSmartz   http://www.netsmartz.org/Parents
Heitner, Devorah (2016)  Screenwise:  Helping Kids Thrive (and Survive) in Their Digital World.  New York, NY: Bibliomotion, Inc.

Alicia Kelly

Alicia Kelly has served as a School Counselor at Episcopal since 2001.  As the Middle School Counselor, she has a passion for helping pre-adolescents reach their potential, academically, emotionally, and spiritually.  Alicia holds a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology, Master’s in Health Sciences- Rehabilitation Counseling, and is a Certified School Counselor and Licensed Professional Counselor.  

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