Episcopal Knightly News

  EPISCOPAL
  • Home
  • Blog and news
  • About us
    • Who We Are
    • Episcopal Identity
    • Leadership and Governance
    • Employment Opportunities
  • Our Program
    • Academics
    • Athletics
    • Arts
    • Spirituality
    • College Counseling
    • Student Support Services
  • Admission
    • Welcome to Admission
    • Affording Episcopal
    • Dates & Deadlines
    • Visit Episcopal
  • Reopening Plans
  • Giving
    • Spirit Mind Body Campaign
    • Quest Center
    • The eFund >
      • 2019-20 Donor List
    • Tributes and Memorials
    • Give Online
    • Development Team
  • e-Resources
    • Student Resources
    • Parent Resources
    • Teacher Resources
    • Library Resources
  • School Store
  • Alumni
  • Parents' Guild
  • Squires
  • Lunch Menu
  • Contact

Best Listener Award

2/3/2017

4 Comments

 
A few weekends ago, while cheering on the 3rd grade Knights basketball team, my mother pointed my attention toward incoming fans. “That’s your first soccer coach over there.”  I squinted; both he and my eyes have grown much older since my days playing for the Wookies.

Baton Rouge soccer was in its infancy when I started playing. Not only was I  the only girl on the team, I was one of the few playing at all.  I loved the game (still true) even though I wasn’t a very good player (also still true).  I’m not all that competitive, and truth be told, I’m kind of scared of the ball.  So it shouldn’t come as much surprise that when it came time to hand out end-of-year awards, mine was this:  Best Listener.

Which, once you get past the implied lack of athleticism, is actually a pretty awesome award for a kid to win.  Listening is an important job skill, tied to effective leadership and healthy relationships.
Picture
We’ve got a huge listening problem, but we can do better, starting with the ones who need our attention the most:  our kids.
After catching up briefly with Coach Teeple, I found myself wondering if I’d even be in the running for Best Listener today.  Like my fear of the ball, this isn’t something I readily admit:  Sometimes, I find myself fake listening, zoning out during conversation.  
If it feels like I’m having a harder and harder time paying attention, I’m not alone.  Adults’ attention spans have declined by a third in the last six years, down from 12 seconds to 8.
We’ve got a huge listening problem, but we can do better, starting with the ones who need our attention the most:  our kids.  Below are 5 tips for prioritizing good listening at home.
Designate a time to listen to each of your children.
Children learn by observing our behavior.  When we are inattentive, scrolling through social media feed or thinking about what we’ll cook for supper, they pick up on our disinterest.  Worse, they learn to mimic these behaviors.  Acknowledge distractions when they are present ("I’m having a hard time paying attention.  Let me finish my task so I can really listen.") so that kids start identifying potential listening barriers themselves and learning how to push past them.
The majority of our communication is nonverbal. Make sure you “listen” to body language and facial expressions along with your child’s words.  Ask follow up questions.  In short, make this chunk of time all about your child.
Picture
Cook (or do something else) together.
If you have a middle schooler, I have no doubt you laughed your way through that first tip.  Sometimes it seems like nonverbal communication makes up 100% of what they say.
How was school?  
*Eye roll*
What are you up to these days?  
*Shrug*
As a middle school teacher, I can reassure you that kids do, indeed, talk.  Maybe not to you, and probably not on command.  Sometimes it seems like the more interest you show, the less willing they are to reward you with information.  I’ve got a 14-year-old;  I know your pain.
One of the best ways to get an adolescent talking is to do things with them.  Cooking’s great because, hey, you were probably planning on eating anyway, and plus, you’ve got a structure for your conversation.  But your common interest doesn’t have to be so practical.  Love the outdoors?  Go explore.  Music fan?  Have your kid teach you why Spotify is superior to your current music platform (Truth!). 
​ 

Take a quiet walk.
When we talk about listening in my study skills class, we start with Julian Treasure’s TED talk.  In it, he explores why we’re losing our ability to listen and what we might do to remedy that loss.  My favorite of his tips is to listen for “channels” of sound.  
Take a walk with your child, paying particular attention to all the sounds you can hear. Bird calls? Laughter? Crunching leaves?  How many sounds are you hearing all at once?  Can you trace each sound to its source?
Listening for channels of sound is fun to do in all kinds of environments: coffee shops, traffic, grocery stores.  Point out sounds you find particularly satisfying.  Compare which ones work your last nerves.

Play games.
There are all kinds of language-based board games out there that require us to listen. Apples to Apples, Scattergories, and Outburst both have versions for younger players.  
My favorite, 20 Questions, doesn’t require any equipment at all, yet has carried us through many bored moments waiting for appointments to begin.  Make the rules as easy or as complicated as they need to be to make it fun.
​

Read aloud.
You didn’t think you’d get out of this without hearing about the power of books, did you?  Reading out loud to your child is amazing for vocabulary development.  If you ask good questions (Why do you think the character did that?  What would you do in this situation?) you’re building analytical reasoning and empathy, too.  
As my daughter entered adolescence, I’m telling you, there were days she didn’t want to speak to me, even non-verbally.  Frankly, there were days I didn’t particularly enjoy being around her, either.  Those days happen; they just do.  But no matter how bad things were, she and I could both count on our reading time right before bed.  Because what’s stronger than anger?  Imagination.  Books allowed us to escape whatever conflict we'd had with each other and focus on the magic of Harry Potter, the strength of Katniss Everdeen, the allure of vampire boyfriends.
As children do, she outgrew those stories, so now we read side-by-side, comparing notes when it’s time for bed.  

In that noisy gymnasium, Coach Teeple told me about his children and his children’s children.  I’m grateful, of course, for his introducing me to the beautiful game, but even more so for his recognition of the gift of listening.

Picture

Martha Guarisco

Martha Guarisco is a National Board Certified English Language Arts teacher and freelance writer.  Prior to joining the faculty at Episcopal 13 years ago, she taught in Ascension Parish, where she was Teacher of the Year.  She earned both her BA in English literature and her M.Ed. in English education from Louisiana State University.  One of her particular areas of recent study is literature’s effect on adolescents’ empathy development. 

4 Comments
Erica LeBrun
2/3/2017 08:50:46 pm

Thanks for this! I am "a victim" inattentiveness and working on becoming more aware! Love the suggestions!

Reply
Nicole Brien
2/7/2017 07:48:07 am

Thank you, thank you, thank you! Everyone in our house struggles with listening - these tips and reminders are great!

Reply
Martha Guarisco
2/7/2017 12:00:40 pm

Definitely check out the referenced TED talk. I love his recommendation to practice silence, too.

Reply
Louise Gentis
8/18/2017 09:54:14 am

Thanks for this beautiful piece and reminding me the importance of listening.

Reply

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.


    Follow @EpiscopalBR

    RSS Feed

    Categories

    All
    Admission
    Athletics
    College Bound 2017
    College Bound 2018
    College Bound 2019
    College Bound 2020
    Counselors Corner
    Diversity
    Episcopal Alumni
    From The Library
    Giving
    Head Of School Messages
    Lower School
    Middle School
    Project Based Education
    Science
    Spirituality And Service
    Sports
    Student Work
    Technology
    The Teachers' Lounge
    Upper School
    Visual And Performing Art

    Tour our Campus

    Subscribe to our mailing list

    * indicates required
    Email Format

    Archives

    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015

About Episcopal

Head of School Corner
Who We Are
​
Episcopal Identity

Our Program

Academics
Lower School
​
Middle School
​
Upper School
​
College Counseling 
Athletics
Visual & Performing Arts

Admission

Admission Team
​Dates and Deadlines
​Affording Episcopal
​
Visit Episcopal
​Online Payment Portal

Resources
Employment Opportunities
​​
Employee Portal 

Giving Opportunities 

Giving
The Capital Campaign
The e Fund
Legacy Giving
Tributes and Memorials
Give Online 
Development Team

Explore
Blogs and News
Alumni Affairs
Parents Guild

Contact

Episcopal School of Baton Rouge
3200 Woodland Ridge Blvd., Baton Rouge, LA 70816
Phone: 225.753.3180
​
communications@ehsbr.org

Subscribe to our mailing list

* indicates required
Email Format
Photos used under Creative Commons from Ben Taylor55, EpicTop10.com, EpicTop10.com
  • Home
  • Blog and news
  • About us
    • Who We Are
    • Episcopal Identity
    • Leadership and Governance
    • Employment Opportunities
  • Our Program
    • Academics
    • Athletics
    • Arts
    • Spirituality
    • College Counseling
    • Student Support Services
  • Admission
    • Welcome to Admission
    • Affording Episcopal
    • Dates & Deadlines
    • Visit Episcopal
  • Reopening Plans
  • Giving
    • Spirit Mind Body Campaign
    • Quest Center
    • The eFund >
      • 2019-20 Donor List
    • Tributes and Memorials
    • Give Online
    • Development Team
  • e-Resources
    • Student Resources
    • Parent Resources
    • Teacher Resources
    • Library Resources
  • School Store
  • Alumni
  • Parents' Guild
  • Squires
  • Lunch Menu
  • Contact