Reframing Normal

Leaving Episcopal to go to Houston

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First time at Starbucks

By forming a friendship with someone who is not the same as you are, you are gaining a better understanding of their world view.

If you ask most people how they would describe their lives, I bet that most of them will answer “normal.” Every morning, they practice the same humdrum: turn on the Keurig, press start, shower, floss, change, drive, “Did I submit my APUSH homework!?”. They go about their days leaning on the predictability as a crutch to function, and when autopilot sets in, before they know it, they’re on the couch at 8:00, same as yesterday, same as it will be tomorrow.

​Sometimes our days melt away so quickly that we don’t stop to consider whether or not our “normal” is typical for our neighbors here in Baton Rouge, let alone our counterparts around the world. Sure, we may have a routine, but is it fair to call our lives “normal”? 

​Most people would answer yes, but after having the experience that twenty Episcopal students were lucky to have, I am sure that they would reconsider their answer. 

Having Julien, a student from France stay with me really challenged my definition of the word “normal.” After a few days of showing him my routine and how we live here in Baton Rouge, it became clear that our routines did not have as many overlaps as I expected. Perhaps the most significant was the fact that it is very common for teenagers to drive to school here in the United States, while driving is prohibited until the age of 18 in France. Our first drive to school together, Julien held on tightly to the handle of the passenger door as I backed out of my driveway. I looked over at him and asked him if he was feeling okay, and he explained to me that this was the first time he had ridden in a car not driven by an adult. I couldn’t help but laugh when he told me that. It was so odd for me to hear that he could not even take driver’s education until he turned 16, and here I am, responsible for the safety of myself, those around me, and knowing and obeying all traffic laws. It was crazy for me to think that something that is so routine to me was something so foreign and outrageous to his definition of normal. 

Julien and I in New Orleans

As the days went by and Julien and I become closer, I grew more and more fascinated by the lack of overlap between our “normals” in little things. On a rainy day when I suggested we beat the rain by grabbing an umbrella at a Walgreens, Julien was surprised to see that American drug stores offered products beyond the pharmacy. Driving to Walmart for a late night run for some toilet paper, the same thing happened. As we pulled up to the glaring neon glow of the sign, Julien was surprised to see that the same store that housed carrots and canned goods also contained an optical shop, an electronics department and a tire center. It was odd for me to realize that a normal grocery store for me was planetary compared to the local grocery stores and bakeries that he frequented back home. To Julien, my American “normal” was, quite literally, larger than his surroundings in France--from the big box stores to my mom’s mid-size SUV. Even going to Starbucks to grab a cup of coffee, something that is a quintessential American experience for many, was something new to Julien and his friends. An ordinary experience for me was actually exciting and novel for our new friends.

​All of these experiences are small, but their sum creates a profound difference in how we as humans go about our routines. Becoming friends with Julien and the other French students illuminated more than just differences in driving customs or drug store offerings. We discussed other cultural norms--should citizens comment on a political leader’s personal life, for instance--and even education practices. Julien was surprised that American students were expected to bring a laptop to school.  But no matter the depth of our conversations, I realized that the way Julien sees the world is just as valid as the way I do. Ultimately, there is more than one right way to view the world around us. This 

First time at Area 51

viewpoint can be learned hands on with an exchange program like this one. By forming a friendship with someone who is not the same as you are, you are gaining a better understanding of their world view. You realize that the life that you lead is so different than the lives that other people live around the world, and being a part of an exchange is a way that we can celebrate our differences. I know that when I board that plane to France for the roles to flip, the world presented to me will be one that is still “normal”, just not my “normal”. Reframing normal to understand that there is more than one valid experience is a lesson that makes this program so special. ​​​​​​

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Douglas Robins is a junior in his fifth year at Episcopal. He is an engaged member of the Episcopal community as a Writing Fellow, Student Vestry member, and a part of the Honors Thesis program. Douglas also is an active member of the performing arts community and enjoys the flexibility of being able to explore his academic interests and his diverse extracurricular interests all in one school day.